Bullying and Cyberbullying: Who Is to Blame?

With the wealth of information that’s been in the media about bullying and cyberbullying, it’s on just about everyone’s minds. We know that growing up isn’t exactly easy. We adults face problems with bullying, but we’ve learned how to handle it or perhaps we ignore it.  I’ve watched students let uncomplimentary remarks slide off like water on a duck, and I’ve seen children who are highly sensitive to any slight.  We know that the middle years are usually the toughest when it comes to kid nastiness, but we also find it from the elementary grades on. There are young people everywhere who are trying to find their place among their peers. Sometimes it goes beyond normal, day-to-day kid behavior and can cause lasting problems for those bullied or ignored. Teachers, parents, coaches, and others who work with children watch for bullying, but as we know, it often happens when adults aren’t around or anonymously online. Who is to blame for the bullying mentality and how might we stop it? A generation ago we confiscated the so-called Slam Books that featured inappropriate information about students in our classes.  Today we continue to watch during lunch sessions for “cool tables” for the in-crowd, try to keep up with school-related social interaction online, work with students on thoughtfulness and respect, and do our best to keep parents informed on the topic. Recently I asked a group of eighth graders who is to blame for bullying, cyber or otherwise. They agreed that the kids who do it were the problem. I asked if schools and teachers were to blame. The answer went something like this, “No, not everyone is nice. That’s the problem and kids should remember that. If a teacher sees bullying and doesn’t do anything, then the teacher is wrong, but usually teachers don’t see it. Who would do something not nice when teachers and parents are around?” When I asked what is the answer to the problem of bullying, one said, “Stay with nice kids. Don’t try to get into a group that does things that aren’t nice.”  Nice seems to be the answer, but how do we get everyone to take on that quality?